For a high school dance, a boy asked out the girl he liked. To get flowers for her, he had to stand in a line outside the florist for an hour. To make things worse, he had to wait another hour in a line outside the tuxedo shop. Finally, he goes to the dance [...]
A guy asks a lawyer about his fees. “I charge $50 for three questions”, the lawyer says. “That’s awfully steep, isn’t it?”, the guy asks. “Yes, I suppose so”, the lawyer replies. “Now what’s your final question?” A guy asks a lawyer about his fees. “I charge $50 for [...]
After a prolonged drought when the rain came, all the animals in the forest were happy except the Kangaroo. When the others asked him what the reason was for such sadness, the Kangaroo revealed that the rain meant that all its kids would now be playing inside. After a [...]
A tough old cowboy from Texas counseled his granddaughter that if she wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gunpowder on her oatmeal every morning. The granddaughter did this religiously until the age of 103, when she died. She left behind 14 children, 30 grandchildren, 45 great-grandchildren, [...]
Four men are in the hospital waiting room because their wives are having babies. A nurse goes up to the first guy and says, "Congratulations! You're the father of twins." "That's odd," answers the man. "I work for the Minnesota Twins!" A nurse says to the second guy, "Congratulations! You're the father of triplets!" [...]
Never criticize someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you’ll be a mile away and you’ll have their shoes. Never criticize someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you’ll be a [...]
The teacher called Little Timmy to her desk. She said: “This essay you’ve written about your pet dog is exactly the same essay your brother has written.” “Of course it is.” said Timmy. “It’s the same dog.” The teacher called Little Timmy to her desk. She said: “This essay [...]
An MIT linguistics professor was lecturing his class the other day. “In English,” he said, “a double negative forms a positive. However, in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative remains a negative. But there isn’t a single language, not one, in which a double positive can express a negative.” A voice from [...]
The wife and I took a long, leisurely drive out to the country and pulled over to fill up our car’s gas tank and tires. She was surprised to see that the station had a fee to fill the tires and asked me, “Why in the world do they charge for AIR?!” I responded, [...]
A man is walking through the woods when he sees a bear charging at him. He books it, but he knows he can’t outrun a bear for long, so he starts praying, “Dear Lord, I beseech thee. Please, O Lord, please let this bear be a Christian!” The bear catches up to him, knocks [...]